It's one of those things you know, but don't always grasp the weight of. It is grasping the weight of it that hit me.
The wife and I were watching some tv after dinner, just relaxing as the daughter is at the in-laws for the night. My wife turned to me with a pained look and said "Do you think we will be alright?"
"Sure, babe" I said. And I came outside to think and roll a smoke and thought about it. And that's when it all hit me.
Right now, I am more scared than at any other time in my life, and I feel am letting down those that depend on me because of my unemployment. That tends to leave marks.
My wife and I just want some basic security in life and the ability to have the things we need. She relies on me to supply some things, I on her for others. That's called a relationship, in general usage.
We have a relationship with our government that is very similar: We give them money and power, and in return we (in our relationship) have some understandings we've built up.
A good structure in which we can thrive, a safety net like we have had, health care, the ability to feel safe and secure. Some in government try to satisfy their side of the relationship , but not nearly enough - and they cannot accomplish their goals without our help.
I doubt there are many in government employ who are crying every night in bed, or stressing out each day about the situation they have put us in - and that is the difference between us and some of them.
I see the same frustration I am feeling all around me: People are scared and worried about their future, and the future of those they love.
And they feel they cannot change it, they feel like they are on a sinking ship and the only life rafts available are given to those with more - because the rest of us don't deserve it.
Huge companies get billions in bail outs, subsidies, contracts - and they get to meet with the people we are paying. Get a ticket like I did? If you are wealthy it is pocket change, so you weren't really being punished on the same level as someone with no money.
A guy like me has to root around every corner to find a buck when I am down from the government, yet the big people get wined and dined and bail outs.
We rely on them to do well for ALL of us, we gave up something to be in this relationship with the government. And they are letting us down.
Another sleepless night for me and more crying like I am doing right damned now - and they will go to sleep on a pillow of special interest money after a glass of champagne and not even think about all the other people out here.
I wouldn't blame my wife if she left me and found someone who could take better care of her, and I don't blame others for wanting to leave these government folks in the dust and vote their asses out.
Someday, things will be better, and I will use my money to help out those our government doesn't care to bother with.
Someday I will sleep well again, and God willing, someday we will vote the bastards out and get good people in office who actually care about the people who put them there and pay them.
Todd S. Story is a guy who loves his wife and family. He is unemployed and has been for the longest period of his life. This piece was slightly edited for correction and clarity from its original submission. World News Trust retains the right to edit submitted content.